Assignment #2: My Conversations(Week 4)

After reading about Kantor's four-player model I began to identify most closely with the role of “mover”. According to Kantor, movers typically initiate ideas and offer direction. I tend to volunteer myself for leadership positions and I enjoy being very involved in my relationships and conversations, shaping their direction and goals. Although movers okay a key role in shaping conversations I was eager to learn more about the other roles. 

For my first conversation I wanted to take on a more passive role and allow others to take the lead so I chose to occupy the role of a bystander. While making big birthday plans for a close friend of mine I got in to a discussion with about five of my girlfriends. We set out to decide on a gift, a restaurant and a place for the group (about fifteen people) to go to afterward. Usually in this type of conversation I naturally fill the leadership role. I would be the person to initiate the talk,  then I would be the one to select a restaurant, make the reservation, coordinate the bill breakdown and payment for everyone, choose the bar to go to afterward, call the cabs, etcetera. When we began talking and ideas started to float around I made an effort to actively listen to what was suggested. Instead of commanding the direction of the conversation I sat back and took note of what I didn’t agree with, but I did not interject. When asked for my opinion I simply laid out the discussed options and mentioned a few pros and cons of each. I refused to be the deciding voice. I noticed that some of the more passive members of the group spoke up and took a more active position in the conversation by  offering their opinions, opposing others views and so on. By me leaving the “mover” role open there was more room for them to speak up so in a sense we swapped player roles.

We ended up going to a restaurant that I would have never chosen, followed by a bar that I had never been to in a neighborhood that I don’t typically frequent and I had a great night. It was refreshing to try something new and do what others wanted (not necessarily what I wanted). 

I chose to start a conversation with my mom to fulfill my third conversation and I ended up incorporating both second and third conversation requirements in to one. Like myself, my mother tends to be the “mover” in conversations so we sometimes interfere with each others plans of which direction to go. She can be very forceful and harsh because she often sticks to her guns and “reloads” instead of listening. The talk took a personal turn and she felt as though I was accusing her of being a bad person when in reality I was only trying to discuss her conversational patterns. When she got upset I decided it was best to explain the model to her and let her look over some of the class materials. This conversation touched on some personal issues and got a little heated. It was not nearly as productive as my first conversation.